Sitting at lunch today, sniffling and sneezing in my homemade beef stir fry due North Texas' unrelenting allergy season, a memory popped into my mind. Allergies are something I have battled all my life and when they are particularly bad, I am not a very nice person. But what was amusing was that even though I am fighting with them and feeling pretty miserable, at least I am doing it in peace and quiet and some semblance of comfort.
Ok- I know what you are thinking.. where is this going? Because my brain thinks in random patterns, I will walk you down my rabbit trail. I have been officially divorced now for just over 8 months, and living alone for nearly 2 years now. Sure, I have joint custody of my daughter, but a large chunk of time alone. When I said peace and quiet and comfort? I meant that I don't have to take care of someone else when I am feeling positively wretched. My daughter is old enough now that except for driving, she can fend for herself and does when required. But I do not have a full grown man to look after, putting his wants and needs before my own. And I did, in a manner disgraceful of women everywhere.
I don't know how many can relate, but I used to put my ex and my kid, and everyone else on the planet before the needs I had for myself. I could be puking my guts out, and they were still asking me when dinner was, regardless of the fact that I was unfit to stand in a kitchen.
Slowly, over the last 2 years, that is changing. Of course I meet my daughters needs (and beyond, because lets face it, she's spoiled..), but, now that I do not have a man in my life, I can do what I damn well want. This includes going to bed at 8 on a weeknight!
Now, does that mean I am swearing off men forever? NO! Of course not! If God sees fit for me to be in another relationship, then so be it. But taking a few years off after 17 years of being with someone is turning out to be a very good thing!
When we first split, I thought I needed an immediate man replacement, but that proved to be difficult to do. I finally settled into a pattern of being comfortable by myself, finally doing those scary things, eating alone, going to the movies alone, shopping alone. Huge milestones for me!
The point of all of this is, I find it funny to be at peace now, runny nose and all, knowing that tonight I can go home and sleep and relish in my alone time, and not fretting about any little thing.
Maybe divorce isn't so bad, after all!
